Friday, August 20, 2004
draft 2.. coming to a nightmare near u..
i dont know whether to feel estatic or miserable after completing draft one of pw with MUCH difficulty.. estatic because i can finally get back my normal sleeping hours and move more of my time to studies (temporarily)... miserable because i know tt i'm gonna go through another round of torture once working on draft 2 starts.. sigh.. till then..
the countless days of night studies really drained my batteries.. but it really helped me move away more from my computer and tv (no.. not my guitars (:) and spend time on studies..
a saddening piece of news.. a friend's mom passed away today.. well.. not really my friend.. got to know bout him thru felicia.. anyway, after i got feli's msg bout the news... i just sat there at the study area and stared into space.. it just hit me how fragile life is with all its ups and downs. its like rolling a vase down the stairs and hoping tt it stays in one piece.. i cant help but think whether or not i take my family members safety and the time spent together for granted or not..
t
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
and i will give you rest...
i NEED a vacation. seriously.. one tt gives me a full ten hours of sound sleep everyday... one tt is of nothing but SLUMBER-LAND!! these fews days, i've been nothing but a pile of wreck.. my body literally cries for sleep!! i get sleepy during lectures, tutorials.sigh.. the whole day. but no.. i still cant sleep coz i've got a pile of work tt never ceases in growth..
and pw! it officially sucks.. i envy those groups who are willing to WORK AS A TEAM... if there was an award for solo work, i'd win hands down.. pratically EVERYTHING was done by me, the survey, interviews, graphs and written report.... and in the end.. its still gonna be labelled as GROUP WORK?!? sigh.... God really wants me to exercise an attitude of humbleness and mercy.. enough mercy not to slaughter my entire slothy group..
t
Sunday, August 15, 2004
good news of the day
hahaha!! feli got granted for student exchange programme!! God was so so there for her. amazing isnt it.. coz it doesnt matter wat the odds are, as long as u commit it to the Lord, He will work a wonderful way out for you.. haha.. finally a piece of good news to smile upon..
t
Saturday, August 14, 2004
day 1
day 1 of competition is over. lots lots lots of drama and heart-sipping action today.. but all i can say is that i am proud of my team... fence on guys!!
i'm super tired.. super. feel s t r e t c h e d. woke up early just to get to clementi sports hall in time.. lugging all my equipment and weapon. and after competition, rushed all the way back home, dropped my stuff and rushed off to meet my pw group. talking bout my pw group... today was really an answered prayer... my group finally started discussing and working together. sigh.. should've had tt kind of attitude from the start... but well.. still happy tt they are willing to get things going.. God rocks.
tmrs worse.. gotta wake up at six plus to do pa for worship.. then AGAIN rush off all the way to clementi sports hall.. then AGAIN rush off to do pw...
Engaurd~~!!!
t
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
here without you
haha.. amazing feat of the day... i managed to play a few songs on the guitar!! whoohoo! not only that.. i (almost) mastered the entire song of -here without you- by 3 doors down.. beautiful song with great guitar work.
"Here Without You"
A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that i saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And i don't think i can look at this the same
But all these miles that seperate
Disappear now when i'm dreaming of your face
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And i dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me
The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life was overrated
But i hope that it gets better as we go
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And i dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me
Everything i know,and anywhere i go
It gets hard but it wont take away my love
And when the last one falls
When it's all said and done
It gets hard but it wont take away my love
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And i dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me
right now..the new coat of paint in my home stinks and the fighter planes are flying over my esates non-stop.. so i'm heading town to mug for my chem quilibiria and kinetics(!!).. breathe slowly duane.
t
Monday, August 09, 2004
faster than i thought
today just whizzed past me like that... maybe coz i was having fun and slacking around for most of the time with very little study...
it was only 1030 in the morning today and i already broke the
no.1 rule... i played soccer!! ahahaha.. i know it was super wrong for me to defy my parents and doctors orders... but i missed soccer and my long-time 'soccer khakis' too much.. almost nostalgic.. sigh.. i can be really stubborn at times.
i missed the ndp parade on tv today... tts fine with me... but i ended up missing s'pore idol too!!! argh!!! THANK GOD my mom was thoughtful enough to record it for me... so right now... i'm running away and avoiding my bro at all cost... coz hes trying to reveal every lil thing bout the show to me..hate it when he does tt..
t
move on
well.. my previous blog was just an outlet to vent my frustrations and agony.. so yeah... tt leaves me to say SORRY for being childish+lame over such stuff and causing unnecessary worries. and i felt blessed tt there were pple out there who encouraged me and gave me support n stuff...so thnx. but right now.. i'm ok! God delivers!
-don't tell me tt i cant play the guitar anymore coz
i will-
-don't tell me tt i wont be the same again coz
i will-
anyway.. just came back from bbq. the first ever get-together thingy with db and dlb. super hilarious.. example...
i) Ruben ate raw stingray the whole night without knowing!!! hahaha.. he was complaining... "aiyah... the stingray is super tough!!" but then, being the nutcase tt he is... he stil ate em... sigh..
ii)we tried acting pro.. but our hrs of attempt of starting a bbq fire was a total failure tt we gave up and had to get al's naid to do it... and she did a super good job. sigh..the humiliation.
iii)haha.. we had problems cookin the stingray stuffed in aluminium packs.. then darryl had this crazy idea of dumpin em into the charcoal! but wah la! it worked like magic ah.. the stingrays ended up being superlicious.
lots lots of antics.. my cg is wonderfully crazy..
t
Thursday, August 05, 2004
a blog of self-pity
dont bother to read this. its pathetic and a complete waste of your precious time.
***
i was
hoping to have my cast removed today. but the doc didnt bother to give me a happy ending. he gave me another six weeks casting. another six weeks of
cruciation.
i was
hoping to hear the words of assurance from the doc.
'everything's fine...healing well.. no worries..'
but all i could hear were in dribs and drabs. each of em piercing my ears, stabbing my soul.
'i'm afraid.... maybe... i guess.. i cant tell.. not sure...'
i was
hoping that i could start strummin, plucking, jammin and laughing away with my guitar, with my cg. this very day.
i was
hoping i could finally have some fun with both my hands. play on fellowship day. swim around at al's place this sun. i guess God said wait.
i was
hoping to start serving God with both of my fragile, fervent hands again. did i say
again?
i was
hoping that my sleepless nights of excitement wld take its leave. but it only came back as sleepless nights of desperation, of apprehension.
i was
hoping to
find some sad music to drown myself in. in vain. they were all too happy.
i was
hoping too much...
elated i was. little did i know tt i was all along counting down to the day of dread. no, not of freedom. tt freedom never came.
maybe i should tell myself tt it would never heal. at least i'll be primed up for watever the doc has to tell three weeks from now. at least i'll be numb.
if you're asking me whether i'm sad or not.... not really. i was just tearing. at the back of the bus. all the way home.
wimp.
if i was a non-Christian... these reasons wld be good enough to put my life to a stop.
weakling.
if my lil guys were chance upon this. i guess i deserve to be despised and mocked at. deserve to be an object of derision ... knowing wat a
weak,
wimpy, faithless leader they have.
my grandma just called. i told her i was ok.
liar.
***
duane didnt blog this. it was some weak, pathetic guy who hung onto his hopes tt were way too high for himself.
t
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
i've come to realise that i forgot what my left hand looked like when it was naked.. just a sporadic thought.. haha
i miss you!!
1 more day to freeeeedom!!!!
t
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
oh no... look what i've got..
i've got maths and gp mocks tmr!! argh!! and i only found out like wat... 24 hrs ago? my maths esp... F-grade prone. pray duane.. pray!!
2 more days to freeeeeedom!!!
t
Monday, August 02, 2004
waiting
haha... i'm both the captain and reserve of my team in the team event.... haha... super cool.. never been in such a position b4... and i've just realised tt competition is only13 days away.... need to start serious training!!
have been a lil chirpy these few days... i guess its because i've been starting to pray hard for those pple i care for.. works like chicken soup for the soul..hah.
3 more days to freeeeeedom!!
t
the week ahead
the week ahead. (turns out to be one to look forward to.)
wed - fencing friendly with smu students
thurs - removing of my cast!!!!!!!!!!
fri - charity walk (kinda lame i guess)
sat - looking after noisy lil kids at pop excel (working on my tolerance and endurance level)... :)
sun - fellowship day and bbq at al's place (finally wld be able to have some fun with BOTH hands)
anywae... i finally bought a new pair of katana golf shoes and a super cool callaway cap (which adds to my collection)!!
however, did it with much difficulty...the moment i stepped into the pro shop... uncle ahmad kept making fun of me!
e.g...
uncle ahmad.."eh duane! i bet ur handicap has been halved now eh?"
me... " oh really? wat makes u think so?" (ego)
uncle ahmad.. "coz you play with only half of the hands u have!! hahahaha!"
me... ".."
it'll be a long long long time b4 i step into tt pro shop again
5 more days to freeeeeedom!!!
t