Sunday, August 28, 2005
who am i
something really really deep struck me when i was thinking.
do the people around you really know you? i somehow realised that maybe.. no one actually knows
you. i'm not trying to say that we're all hypocrites and that we put up a false front everytime. its not a facade that i'm talking about. what i'm trying to say here is that.. maybe we are different persons in front of different people.
for example.. james would think that i'm one hellava lamer coz of the crappy fun i have with him. kirsten might look at me as a joker coz she practically laughs at every lil thing that i say. my sec 2 cell might be regard me as a wise and mature leader. da boyz would think i'd be always the 'blur and dopey' one. the j1 juniors might think that i'm super dao and antisocial guy. while edwin might think that i'm mr sensitive coz of all the relationship advices i give him.
AND.. lets say if everyone one who knows me comes together to talk about me and my life (sounds like my funeral i know).. wont they go like - "boy.. duane sure is one person whom i thought of very differently''
haha.. so you get the point?? SO.. the million $ question you might wanna ask is.. '
who am i?' well
.. i tried asking myself that and was mentally dumbfounded. i even got kinda scared. i mean.. if i dont even know who i am.. then so much for personal identity! then.. haha.. God so nicely 'dedicated' this song in my player just at that moment. by jars of clay..
"No One Loves Me Like You"
Collapsing was much softer
Still falling always hurt
Only after sensing your love
For always ever burned
You justified my folly
My affluent disguise
Removed revealing nothing
Yet nothing unforgiven lies
Unforgiven lies
No one loves me like you
No one loves me the way you do
No one loves me like you
No one loves me the way, the way that you do
To touch the rose unfearfulIs to meet the thorn
And pierce the heart's emotion
And feel the emptiness no more
Emptiness no more
Took some time to realize I've fallen
so! i guess that you may not really know me! or i may not really know me! BUT.. God definitely knows you! He knows and loves you like no other! the only one not to mention. and i'm pretty sure God will make our lives an adventure and journey of finding out who we really are. so.. identity crisis anyone?? haha
t
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
'welcome to ndu' i was told'shucks' my mind went'God help me' my soul pleaded
t
Monday, August 15, 2005
but if the bright lights don’t receive you..
this is bad. real bad. i sprained my neck.. or shoulder .. or neck.. argh.. i dont know.. but i'm in real pain. smart duane here tried doing pull ups early in the morn straight from bed. there was suddenly this sharp pain at the back on the second pull. the whole day i had to sit with my head cranked to the right side. then during night study.. some other smart guy, whom i shall not name(ahem), tried being a doctor. he did this crazy chris benoit headlock. and now.. my head's cranked to the left. i had to tell myself that God was gracious enough to not allow any broken spinal cords.
anyway.. have you had one of those times when you fall in love with a song all over again? i have! brightlights by matchbox 20! i was tired out and weary during night study when the song popped out of my player. it just makes you wanna jump on stage with a guitar and then continue jumping. haha.
and sunday was one fine day. though i spent the whole day in town without mugging.. it was unforgettable being able to meet old friends and talk and laugh over our boy's sch life. haha. nostalgic yeah. hope we'll get such a chance again.
you should turn yourself around and come on home..
t
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
when you could just tick 15hours away
15 crazy hours. 630-900. i cant believe. the tests at the naval base were countless and pointless. if my memory serves me correctly.. eye test, breathalyzers, audio test, ecg, urine test, blood test, pressure chambers, pool laps, 415 personality + iq tests, you name it.. its just insane. all for the sake of finding the right naval divers. i'm not even interested in the first place. besides.. i'm scared of night waters. haha. AND.. its one full day of potential mugging gone! poof.. gone.. pray hard work hard.
t
Sunday, August 07, 2005
looming ahead
oh no.. i'm really scared about the near prelims. let alone the A's. sometimes the thought of leaving everything to God can sound like a pretty tough thing to do. but then.. as Christians.. guess faith is all we have. and tonight's fest of praise. oh man.. i so wanna go.. but i'll be so bugged if i know that i can spend that time mugging. but i guess that doesnt spell much of a difference anyway. as a matter of fact.. there's so many things on my list that i want to do! (other than studies that is). cant help but feel sad that all my peers and myself have to go through this academic torture only to proceed to the next level of higher education. wasted youth? i dont know. but i what i know is that i need to mug now. haha.
and just when i thought i was safe.. i recieved a letter to notify me of my posting to the naval base. argh.
firstly... i just got the letter two days ago.. when others got theirs a few weeks in advance. secondly.. its next week wed - a school holiday! just when i wanted to plan the whole day of mugging.
third.. my mom freaked out. she thought i was going to the ndu. i can understand.. considering what happened to my uncle. so i had to convince her that in order for me to go in.. i had to fufill the criteria of being a fitness freak (one who runs 10km every morning before school and cries his heart out when he misses his timing by a second).. which i am no where near about.
so before i go, here's to those who needs the peace and faith.
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
~2 Corinthians 12:9-10
*all from memory.. cant you believe?? haha
t