on the tram. where i think.
Sunday, April 08, 2007
jaded and so it is. exactly one year ago.. when i was still a city boy waiting for the so called impending doom in green. call it an anniversary if you want. its amazing how time flies. especially when you didnt know what to expect in the days ahead. and really.. i didnt know what to expect at all. well, looking back.. its wasnt so bad after all. made friends.. distanced some. (give and take i guess)
i dont know if it's a common among us ns guys.. but every too often, i'll space out and fill my head with thoughts and imagine what my life would be like if i wasn't serving my 2 yr duty. the pictures painted are endless. i'd be making cool friends, picking up more hobbies, serving in church every week, trying out every single ben and jerry's flavour, strumming guitars, churning music, being a misfit in uni, playing mr mischief, acting cool, staying strong and silent, turning funky and wild, becoming popular, getting a pretty girlfriend, saving the world.. countless
so am i getting an equal trade-off of all that for this military lifestyle? am i missing out? well.. maybe its still a little early to judge things that way. and if i had a choice.. well, i would keep the way things are. i mean.. as much i've lost in life.. i think i've gained. i've learnt how to hold things within, especially when you cant share your problems (let alone blog) about your daily classified work, and as such people never quiet undertand what you're going through. i've learnt about sacrifice. about pain, be it physical, or mental. i've learnt about how much of a dumb ass i've been to take certain things in life for granted.
then again.. there's always an aching feeling within that tells me that i'm missing out on a lot of things. everything just whizzes past me. hope its normal to feel lonely.
if you're starting to feel worried about this rambling fellow.. dont be. i'm made of better stuff than that. in fact.. i'm enjoying this process. becasue i'm being moulded to become a man. this period is going to make me emerge as someone who will do great things in life just gotta wait for another 10 months.
t